


You Talk Too Much

by camichats



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Getting Together, M/M, Secrets, Serious Injuries, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Vampire Simon Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: When Alec hears his soulmark words come out of Clary's annoying friend's mouth, he decides not to say anything. He's not out, he's not ready for any relationship, and he doesn't think that they should be helping Clary anyways. Only the annoying mundane becomes Simon, a vampire, and ignoring it isn't as easy as he wanted it to be.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Simon Lewis/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 242





	You Talk Too Much

"You look like you want to kill me and I know that lots of people want to do that, but I vote that you don't because I grow on people, just like mold, only like, better looking and not near as smelly because unlike a lot of men my age, I do practice basic hygiene." 

Alec blinked, recognized the familiar rant from the writing on his leg, decided he didn't want to deal with it, and turned to Jace. "Seriously?" Seriously, because not only was this Alec's apparent soulmate, but he was a mundane that had no business being on their radar. 

"Yeah, I know he's annoying-" 

"He's more than just 'annoying'," Alec interrupted. He'd known since he was twelve that he liked men and not women, but he'd held out hope that he had a platonic soulmate. If it was a man, those chances plummeted. And annoying Simon might be, but Alec knew that the mundane would grow on him (like mold) and it would be impossible to hide that he was gay after that. He had responsibilities, to his family, to the Clave, and to the Institute, and he couldn't deal with being forced out of the closet right now, not with Valentine coming back and demons draining mundanes of their blood. 

"You know that I can hear you guys, right?" 

"-but we're not doing it for him, we're doing it for Clary," Jace continued. 

"So? You say that like I care about her, and I don't. I don't see any reason we should be helping her, when all she's done is almost get you killed." Is she your soulmate? was the question Alec was asking, and Jace knew it. The guilty look in his eyes meant no, she wasn't, but he was doing all of this for her anyways. Alec rolled his eyes. "Great. If we keep running around like this, someone's going to get hurt." 

"I promised I would help her." 

Yeah, Alec remembered from when she'd said that to all of them like it was a promise from Raziel himself. "Is she going to be so eager to accept that help if your recklessness ends up getting her mundane friend killed?" 

"Um, my name's Simon if you, y'know, care," he said, still getting ignored. 

"That's not going to happen," Jace said, with all the intensity he used when he wished he could speak things into being. 

"You can't control  _ everything, _ Jace. We're a team but ever since showed up, it's been you and your sidekicks; that's not how we operate." 

"Don't you trust me?" 

"You know I do, don't ever doubt me again. This isn't about it anyone trusts you, this is about why the hell you're willing to do all this." 

Jace glanced at Simon. "Go stand by Izzy." She was over by one of the computers while Hodge told Clary a few stories about her mother back when she'd been younger. 

"Uh, right. Cool. Everything's cool, I'll just-" he hiked a thumb over his shoulder before making a rapid escape. 

"She doesn't have anyone," Jace said quietly. "Her mundane friend? What can he do to help her? She needs us." 

"Yeah, I know." 

Jace swallowed, looking over at her and Hodge. "She's like me, Alec. Your parents took me in when my father died, and you were there for me. Every stupid thing I wanted to do, you came along. You sparred with me, got me out of meeting with the Clave when I wasn't ready to talk about my father. I would be  _ dead _ without you, and whether you like it or not, she's one of us and now she needs help too. I'm trying to help her like you did for me, I don't see what's so wrong about that." 

Alec grit his teeth. "It's not that you're helping her. It's the rules you're willing to break. The Law is hard, but it is the Law. You've never had a problem with that before. We're going to get killed because of her." 

"No. I would never put you or Izzy in that position. I know that I'm-" Jace shook his head, letting out a breath "-that I'm acting a little stupid, but the other option is letting Clary run around until she gets herself killed. There aren't so many Shadowhunters that we can afford to lose her." 

Alec looked at him, wishing he could argue further but knowing that he was won over-- for the moment, at least. "I can't believe it took you this long to try the logical argument." 

Jace grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. "Had to exhaust my other options first. I know you don't like Clary and her friend is a pain, but I really do think this is a good thing." 

"For them, maybe," Alec grumbled. He should probably tell Jace that Simon was his soulmate. But if he could help it, Simon himself wouldn't know until after all of this had been settled. 

* * *

Simon was a vampire now. That was kind of a trip and a half. Raphael told him that he should stay at the hotel while he got used to his new senses, but he missed Clary. He wasn't in love with her anymore-- at least, he didn't think so-- but she was still his absolute best friend, and Simon was a ride-or-die. Besides, from her texts, it sounded like she could use the backup at the Institute. And by backup, he meant emotional support because he couldn't really fight yet. That he kept thinking about, in Raphael's words, 'those god damn angel-blooded fools', was part of the reason the training he'd gotten hadn't really stuck. 

All the Valentine stuff was history, thank fuck, but it meant that Clary was deep in her Shadowhunter training and not dealing so great with it. Before all this, she was going to be an art student, and that had been what she wanted to do with her life. She was still drawing, obviously, but it was a hobby that took the backseat to killing demons. 

Simon had tried to convince Raphael that they should make a band called The Undead Clan-- originally the idea had been The Clan but that sounded way too fucking close to the KKK so he'd reconsidered-- and just rotate new vampires in when it started to look suspicious that they weren't aging. Raphael had shot him down in a flat second, but Simon still brought it up every now and then, sure that he was wearing him down. 

But anyways, he was showing up at the Institute and hoping that Alec was in a good enough mood that he wouldn't kick Simon out. He probably wouldn't with the new Accords in mind, but Alec seemed to  _ really _ hate him. Everyone had hated him originally, but even Jace had said the other day that he wasn't 'too bad to be around' which was practically BFF territory for that guy. 

For some reason, Clary was in a Super Secret Top Agents Only Meeting when Simon got there. He argued with some hulking dude that was probably named Blake about it for a while before he stalked-- read: sulked-- off to go bother Alec. Because apparently this meeting was Ultra Important but not enough to actually both the head of the Institute with. 

"So this is your office," Simon said, looking around after he barged in. There weren't really decorations. There was that one painting of Raziel holding the Mortal Cup and the Soul Sword above the lake, but that was it. On the opposite side was a large monitor, probably used for powerpoint presentations when people had to check in with Alec about what their next big idea was. "It's uh, nice? I've sort of gotten used to Raphael's way of decorating, even if I think it's pretty weird that it's a whole bunch of classical paintings of beheadings and people getting stabbed, but he didn't ask my opinion. I told him anyways, but he always tells me to shut up and get a suit, so," Simon shrugged. 

Alec sighed, covering his face with his hands. He didn't say anything, just picked up his phone and called somebody. When they didn't pick up, he scowled, slamming his phone back on the desk. 

"See? Just us, this is great. We can use the time to get to know each other while I'm waiting for Clary to be free," Simon said with a grin, sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

Alec wanted to tell him to get the fuck out, but he'd managed to make it this far without saying a single word to his soulmate, and he wasn't going to ruin that streak now. It's not like he hated Simon (anymore), but Alec was still firmly in the closet and that's where he planned on living out the rest of his days. Simon couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it, and he talks to everyone, whether they like it or not. Alec hated that he found it endearing how Simon could do that when so many people clearly disliked him-- not even dying had kept him down for long-- and he was going to continue pretending that he didn't like a single thing about him until either Simon left him alone or he died. He'd probably have to die; Simon was stupidly determined for no reason. 

"So normally I'd say that you know plenty about me and it's your turn to share, but I get the feeling we'd just sit in silence if I tried that, right?" He waited a beat, but when all Alec did was check his phone again and grimace, Simon said, "Right. So I stopped watching Vampire Diaries after the fourth season because it was getting a little too soap opera-y for me and I was going through this phase where I tried to pretend I was better than shows like that. Raphael complains every time he sees me watch it, but he's invested enough to know the difference between Elena and Katherine just by glancing at the screen. I prefer Elena, obviously. She's the main character and rockin' besides, but now that I'm rewatching it, Katherine reminds me too much of Camille and that's just... uncomfortable. Normally I would say that you should watch it, but I think you might actually throw your pen through my eye if I do. 

"Anyways, things are going pretty good. Raphael says my training is going well enough that he's no longer embarrassed to bring me to meetings, but he's been making me go to meetings in his place for so long that I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean. He was sort of smiling when he said it, so I decided that it was a compliment. Have you ever had that happen to you? Well no, probably not, since you're actually the Head of the Institute now, you've been wanting to go to these meetings for ages.

"Oh! That reminds me, Jace mentioned some sort of party at Magnus's and I was wondering if you were going? I know you're busy and don't like parties in the first place, but you do need a break." 

Alec shot him an incredulous look. How the hell would Simon know how busy he was or wasn't? 

"Izzy talks," Simon explained with a shrug. "And hey, you looked at me! See? Our rapport is improving already. Is now a good time to mention that Raphael's going to start bringing me to all meetings with Shadowhunters? Well, more than that I should say, he's going to let me talk sometimes instead of just sitting there wishing I was back at the Hotel. I feel like he'll live to regret that. You know, I feel like the two of you could really get along if you talked. You can talk about how annoying yet endearing I am." 

Alec snorted, then decided that he was coming too close to encouraging this behavior and pulled a report towards him. 

Simon talked for only another minute before he got a text from Clary and bid Alec goodbye, seemingly unbothered by the completely one-sided visit. 

* * *

Simon had gotten hurt. Fucking demon venom in a bite on his stomach, and Alec had no idea how it happened because he didn't do field assignments anymore. All he knew was that Jace, Clary, and Izzy were back, and Jace was carrying Simon to the infirmary while Izzy ran ahead to prepare what she could and Clary sobbed into her phone telling Raphael what had happened. It was supposed to have been an easy assignment. Clary and Izzy had become parabatai, so they were getting quick fights to help learn how to fight together. Jace always went with them since Alec was doing a bunch of nothing as far as killing demons went, and Simon went along just in case things were a little worse than anticipated-- also to help get people used to the idea of fighting alongside Downworlders. 

It was supposed to be a single shapeshifting demon. Something Clary could've handled all by herself. "What the hell happened?" Alec demanded, helping to get Simon on the infirmary bed. 

"Greater Demon," Jace explained through gritted teeth. 

Simon's face had been pale before, but now it was taking on a black tint that made Alec's stomach turn. His eyes were half open, and it was clear that he wasn't seeing his surroundings as he panted for breath he didn't need. He tried to roll on his side to get up with a jerk, but he stopped with a groan of pain. 

"Shit, he's still bleeding. Here," Jace said, grabbing Alec's hands and pressing them on Simon's stomach. "Keep pressure, I'm going to call Magnus." He didn't wait for Alec to confirm before walking off, already dialing his soulmate's number as he went to check the fridge for any blood Simon might have left behind. 

Simon came to himself a little with the sharp pain that came from the pressure instead of the venom. "Alec?" he asked, voice croaking. "Cool you're here to- to not let me die, that's-" Simon stopped, biting down hard on his lip to keep from screaming. "That's great, I always knew you liked me. D'you think Ra-" 

"Stop moving or this is going to be worse for you," Alec snapped, because he was no expert, but even he could tell that Simon trying to talk was speeding up the venom. 

Simon actually shut up. 

Alec glanced at him, saw wide eyes, and realized that he'd actually spoken to him; Simon wasn't so out of it that he wouldn't recognize the words on his soulmark. He swallowed thickly and looked back at the bite mark. It was dark and ugly against Simon's skin, peaking through the torn bits of the t-shirt he'd worn on the mission. 

Simon didn't talk again until Jace came back and told him that Magnus was on his way and did Simon think the leftover blood from steak would do him any good? "Can't hurt to try," Simon said, and Jace tipped the small glass to get what little blood he'd found into Simon's mouth. 

As soon as Magnus showed up, Alec fled to the side of the room and watched along with Clary. It was sort of a mistake because when things took a turn for the worse, she threw her arms around Alec and started crying on his shirt. He patted her back awkwardly until Jace came and took over. 

Alec was many things, some of them good, most of them bad. He'd like to think he was a good man when the day ended, and that meant that after Simon was healed as best he could be, Alec told everyone that they could get some rest and he'd watch over Simon. He'd have to talk to him about the soulmate situation at some point, and it was best to do it before Simon managed to talk to Clary and then the entire Institute knew. That might be unavoidable in the end, but he'd like to at least try to keep it quiet for as long as he could. 

Raphael showed up with some blood and silently took the seat next to Alec. They sat there for an hour-- there was a clock, Alec was keeping an eye on it-- before either of them spoke. "You can go to sleep, I will be here when he wakes." 

Alec shook his head. "Thanks, but I need to talk to him." 

"I would think a report could wait until after he heals," Raphael said in that way that meant he wasn't suggesting. 

"It's not that, it's personal." 

Raphael glanced at him, then away. "Hm." 

If it was anyone else, Alec might ask what they meant by that, but Raphael took note of everything to do with his clan, it didn't have to mean anything. 

At the first sign of stirring, Raphael was on his feet, one hand on Simon's shoulder to preemptively stop him from trying to get up. There wasn't much privacy to be had, but Alec pointedly did not listen in on the soft words Raphael whispered to him. Even if he wanted to be jealous, he hadn't earned that right. He'd been turning it over in his mind for hours as they sat there in silence, but now that Simon was waking up, it started spinning around double time. Alec was pretty sure he'd made the right choice; it was a shitty thing to do as a soulmate, but he wouldn't be able to give Simon a relationship of any kind. Then again, he should've let him know immediately what the situation was that way Simon would know he didn't need to wait around for his soulmate to show up one day. Letting Simon think there was hope had been cruel, but Alec had been terrified of being outed while they were breaking so many other rules. By the Angel, he was  _ still _ terrified. They probably wouldn't take away his position now that Jace and Magnus were allowed to have their relationship, but he still... he was a coward. That's all there was to it. Simon probably wouldn't understand that. For all he said that he was born afraid and it was obviously true, he still acted. He pushed through it. Alec just... hid his head in the sand. 

Alec didn't want to interrupt them, but it was getting dangerously close to sunrise. "The sun's going to rise soon. Do you want a room for the night?" he offered, knowing that Raphael would refuse. 

"No. Thank you," he tacked on belatedly. 

"Simon can stay until he's healed." 

Raphael nodded and gave Simon's arm a squeeze. "Text me if you need more blood." 

Simon nodded. "Thanks," he said, and then the other vampire was gone. He looked at the door for a long moment. His eyes shot to Alec then away just as quickly. "You can get some rest, I'm just going to go back to sleep." 

Alec ignored that. "How do you feel?" 

"Fine," Simon said quickly. Alec may not have talked to him at all until a few hours ago, but he'd been around Simon enough to know when he was lying. 

"Physically, how do you feel." 

The vampire swallowed, eyes darting around the room like he expected for someone to come rescue him. "Like I got in a car wreck, but like, only a small one. Like the kind when someone rear-ends you and you get a little whiplash but mostly you're fine, you just get this rush of hormones that means you can't calm down." 

"Okay," Alec said, because he hadn't understood a word of that. The gist seemed to be that he mostly fine. "Are you okay to talk about the-" he glanced around to double-check that they were still alone "-soulmate situation?" 

"Right. Um, not really, but this is definitely better than what I thought would happen when I met my soulmate." 

Alec frowned. 

"The words. 'Stop moving or this is going to be worse for you'? I always thought they'd be- I don't know, mugging me or raping me or something. I know you don't like me, but you were actually trying to help, so that's miles better than what I was expecting." 

"It's not about whether or not I like you-" 

"You're straight? Cause I know that I'm the biggest bisexual on the planet since Sappho herself, but platonic soulmates aren't that bad. If Raphael can learn to like me, you can too. I'm really not that bad," he added when Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"The problem," Alec said slowly, "is that it wouldn't be platonic." 

Simon was being quiet again. That wasn't a good sign. 

Alec lowered his hand. 

"You're not out," Simon guessed. 

"And I don't plan on ever being it." 

"Ah. So that's- that does explain quite a bit, like when we first met and I totally thought you were gay, but then I started to think I'd been wrong. You didn't do anything," Simon assured him quickly, "I just thought you had the vibe of a fellow queer, you know? Um, I know I'm talking a lot, but the point is that you don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone." 

"Thank you." 

"Can't we try the friend thing? I'll keep my hands to myself, I swear, but you're still my soulmate and I'd like to know you." 

"I don't think that's a good idea." 

Simon shrunk back a little, hurt plain on his face. "Right," he said quietly. 

Alec could leave it there, but if Simon was doing him the favor of not telling anyone, there was no reason to make him think it was personal. "Running the Institute is the most important thing to me." 

"I know, I'm not trying to guilt you into jeopardizing that. When I said it was okay, I meant it." 

"I'm going to get distracted if I'm around you. I get distracted, people get hurt." And he cared about Simon. He'd tried not to, but he did. Now that the soulmate secret was out, he had nothing to hide behind. If he started caring more about Simon and making sure that he wasn't being obvious, he was going to make mistakes. 

"I know. I'm  _ really _ not trying to convince you to change your mind, I just- wanted to get to know you. You're pretty secretive Alec, I'm pretty sure the only people that know you are your siblings." 

That's the way he had wanted it. Jace, for all he had tried to do otherwise, wore his heart on his sleeve. He hadn't been able to hide it from anyone-- least of all his parabatai-- when he met his soulmate. "I think it's for the best," was all he said. 

Simon looked at him for another long moment, then nodded. He pulled the blanket to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes. "Alec?" he asked, opening his eyes again but not looking towards him. "Thanks for letting me know what you're thinking. I know this is the only time we'll talk about it, so I wanted to let you know that I appreciate it. I know it must have been a pain in the ass for you to tell me everything so plainly. So... thank you." 

Alec didn't say anything, guilt churning in his stomach. 

Simon closed his eyes again. 

This was the last thing he was going to say about it before they forgot about it entirely. "I'm sorry I can't be the soulmate you want," he said, voice barely audible. 

"Don't worry about it." 

* * *

Alec looked up at the Hotel's facade, taking a deep breath. This was such a bad idea. But hell, he'd just yelled at his parents in front of the entire Institute. They'd said that Jace wasn't family; Alec said he was. They'd said that no son of theirs would have a Downworlder for a soulmate and if he did, he should've denied it to not bring shame on them; Alec asked if that applied to him. They'd said of course not because Alec was Head of the Institute and doing a great job; Alec said that his soulmate was a vampire who was also a man. They hadn't said anything. 

Despite him telling Simon that they weren't going to spend any time together, they did actually bond a little between missions. Nothing one on one, but Alec wasn't straight up ignoring him anymore when the gang all got together. 

And now he had to ask Raphael if he could come in and ask Simon if actually, he  _ did _ want to try a relationship after all. Now that everyone knew he liked men, there wasn't a reason hold back. If he was honest-- which he finally,  _ finally _ was-- he knew that he liked Simon. Love was a little beyond him right now, but he didn't want to try with anyone else. 

Before Alec could work up his nerve and knock, someone opened the door. He recognized her as Lily, the second in command of the New York clan. "Do you need something, Shadowhunter?" 

"I'm- uh, Alec? Lightwood. The um- Head of the New York Institute." 

"Yes," she said, looking amused, "I know. We have met before." 

"Right, you're Lily." 

She nodded. 

He stared. 

She met his gaze evenly. "Did you need something?" 

"I was wondering if I could come in." 

"What for?" 

"Um." Now he had to actually say it. "I want to talk to Simon." 

"Is he in trouble?" she asked, straightening protectively. 

"No. He's definitely not in any trouble, I just need to talk to him for a minute." 

"I'm surprised he didn't come out here to meet you." 

Alec blinked. 

"You did call him first, right?" 

He wanted to smack himself. He could've just fucking texted him and asked to meet, and he hadn't. "Um. No. I forgot. I'll just-" 

"Don't bother." She turned her head around and shouted, "Simon!" She turned back to him. "He'll be down in a minute. I'm sure you can understand why we don't want to invite you in." 

Alec nodded, taking a couple steps back to help prove how okay he was with it. 

Lily closed the door, and a minute later, Simon opened it. He jogged over to Alec. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah, fine." 

"Then why...?" 

"Um. You know how I said I didn't want to tell anyone we're soulmates?" Alec wanted to smack himself again. Of course Simon remembered that. 

"Yes," Simon said slowly. 

"Right. So uh- I kind of told my parents." 

"Are you trying to get me killed?" Simon said, half-joking half-serious. "I've seen your mother before, I don't think she'd even hesitate." 

"She's not going to kill you." Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair. "They were yelling at Jace about how he wasn't part of the family, and then they brought up Magnus." 

"Ah, and like the amazing brother that you are, you came to his defense and ended up saying that you also had a Downworlder soulmate." 

"Basically." 

Simon clicked his tongue. "Well! Thanks for the heads up. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but you could have called instead of coming all the way down here. I know you're busy." 

"It's not the only reason I came." 

"Oh. Okay, shoot." 

Alec looked at Simon. He let himself look. Simon had fluffy hair that everyone told him to gel but he never did. He didn't wear his glasses since he Turned, and it made his smiles look fuller. And he smiled a lot. It sounded completely sappy and totally cliche, but there was a sparkle in his eyes when he was in a good mood-- which also happened a lot. He dressed in t-shirts and ill-fitting jeans when Raphael wasn't forcing him in suits, but he always looked good. "I know you don't have any reason to say yes, but can we... try? You know, soulmates. A relationship. Dating." 

"And if I say no? Not that I'm saying that necessarily, but what will you do if that's what I decide?" 

"I'll go back to the Institute." 

"And what if I say yes? Again, not that I'm saying I'm choosing that option, I'm just curious." 

"I guess I'd ask if you've got some free time right now." 

"Um," Simon licked his lips, glancing back at the Hotel. "I should be good to get out of here, let me just tell Raphael where I'm going. It's nothing personal, he just worries." 

"Is that a yes?" 

"That's what it sounded like," Simon said with a grin. "Give me like, two seconds." He took a couple steps, then paused. "Okay it might be more like five minutes because ever since the Greater Demon thing, Raphael thinks he has to give me safety lectures every time I leave without him. And you can definitely say no, but before I go check in, can I have a hug?" 

Alec blinked. "What?" 

"A hug? An embrace of two or more peoples with their arms around each other?" 

"I... sure?" 

Simon beamed, and it lit up his entire face. He darted forward, wrapping his arms around Alec's waist. He was shorter than Alec-- like most everyone else-- so he rested his head against his chest. "I can hear your heart," he noted, smile widening. He didn't let go until Alec tentatively hugged him back, letting go after a couple seconds. "I'll be right back." 

Alec watched him walk in the Hotel and wondered how he'd managed to get here. He was so damn nervous, but it was a good nervous, like butterflies fluttering around his chest and making him lighter. 


End file.
